Why “I’m Fine” Isn’t Always Fine

Let’s talk about the most suspicious phrase in the English language.

You’ve said it. We’ve said it. Your friend said it yesterday with suspiciously red eyes and a tremble in their voice: “I’m fine.”

It’s the classic emotional escape hatch, the verbal duct tape we slap over feelings we don’t want to explain, don’t know how to name, or just don’t want to feel. But let’s be real—“I’m fine” is often code for “I’m overwhelmed but trying to hold it together without crumbling into a puddle of existential dread.”

So… Why Do We Say It?

There are a lot of reasons we default to “fine” when we’re anything but:

• Avoidance: If I don’t say it out loud, maybe it’ll go away.

• Fear of Burdening Others: “They’ve got their own stuff—I don’t want to be that person.”

• Uncertainty: Sometimes we don’t even know what we’re feeling. We just know it’s not... fine.

• Habit: It’s easier, quicker, and way less messy than the truth.

But here’s the rub: When we get too good at “I’m fine,” we start to believe it ourselves. We lose touch with what we actually need—support, space, validation, a nap, a cry, a cheeseburger. Maybe all of the above.

The Hidden Cost of “Fine”

Pretending everything is okay doesn’t make the hard stuff disappear. It just buries it under layers of politeness and productivity. Over time, this can show up as:

• Anxiety that won’t quit

• Chronic exhaustion (emotional, mental, physical)

• Irritability that surprises even you

• Feeling disconnected from people you care about

And while “fine” can feel safe in the moment, it often becomes a wall between us and the connection we actually crave.

So What Can We Say Instead?

You don’t need to spill your deepest wounds every time someone asks, “How are you?” But here are some upgrades from “fine” that create room for honesty without oversharing:

• “I’m a bit all over the place today.”

• “It’s been a weird week, but I’m hanging in.”

• “Honestly? I’m kind of maxed out.”

• “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but it’s not fine.”

And if someone trusts you enough to admit they’re not fine? Don’t panic. You don’t have to fix it. Just be present, be kind, and say something like, “Thanks for telling me. I’m here.”

Final Thought: You Deserve More Than “Fine”

You deserve to live in a world where feelings are allowed—even the ugly, messy, inconvenient ones. You deserve relationships where honesty is met with compassion. And you deserve moments of relief where you can take off the mask, unclench your jaw, and just be human.

If “fine” has become your go-to shield, maybe it’s time to peek underneath and see what’s really there. Therapy can help with that. We’re not here to push, pry, or diagnose your every mood—we’re just here to help you find your way back to real.

And real is way better than fine.