When Self-Care Isn’t Bubble Baths: What Real Healing Looks Like

(Because sometimes the most powerful self-care is the least Instagrammable.)

By Kelly Clarke, LMFT-S

At ABC Counseling Inc., we’re big fans of bubble baths. Candles, Epsom salt, a warm soak—it’s a lovely ritual that can bring calm to a chaotic day. But here's the truth: real self-care goes much deeper than what fits in a bathtub or looks pretty on social media.

The popular version of self-care often focuses on indulgence and aesthetics—face masks, fancy journals, herbal tea. And while those things do have a place in nurturing your well-being, they’re just one slice of the pie.

True healing—the kind that creates lasting change—can be uncomfortable, messy, and sometimes deeply unglamorous. And that’s perfectly okay.

What Real Self-Care Looks Like (Spoiler: It's Not Always Cute)

Real self-care is about meeting your needs, not just treating yourself. It's about protecting your peace, even when it ruffles feathers. It's about choosing growth over comfort.

Here are some everyday examples of what true self-care can actually look like:

🛑 Setting boundaries—even when it disappoints others or makes you feel guilty

😴 Saying "no" when you're running on empty, instead of pushing through

🧠 Going to therapy on the hard days when avoiding would be easier

😶 Sitting with your feelings instead of numbing out with Netflix or doomscrolling

🩺 Making that doctor’s appointment you've been putting off for months

💬 Having tough conversations that lead to clarity, not just comfort

💊 Taking medication, if that’s part of your mental health care plan—even when stigma makes it hard

🧹 Cleaning your space so your environment supports your emotional well-being

These things might not be soothing in the moment. They might not fit neatly into a cute Instagram reel. But they are acts of care. Of courage. Of choosing yourself.

Self-Care vs. Self-Soothing vs. Self-Avoidance

It’s important to distinguish between three very different ways we respond to stress and emotional discomfort:

• Self-care is intentional. It’s the proactive act of meeting your physical, emotional, or psychological needs—even when it’s hard.

• Self-soothing is about managing discomfort in the short term. Think: a cup of tea, a warm blanket, or a calming playlist. It helps you regulate in the moment.

• Self-avoidance looks like self-care on the surface but is really about escaping. This might be overworking, overindulging, or constantly staying busy to avoid deeper emotional work.

There’s nothing wrong with needing comfort or distraction. But real healing happens when we can tell the difference—and start choosing care over avoidance.

Why the Deeper Work Matters

At ABC Counseling, we believe that true self-care includes the work that supports your healing in the long run. Not just what feels good now, but what helps you grow into the most grounded, self-aware, and empowered version of yourself.

This kind of healing isn’t linear. It can feel like two steps forward, one step back. But the moments you honor your needs, face your fears, and show up for yourself? Those moments add up.

Over time, you start to:

• Feel more emotionally regulated

• Communicate more clearly and assertively

• Recognize your limits and honor them

• Break old patterns and create new, healthier ones

• Trust yourself more deeply

And that is what sustainable self-care is all about.

Yes, It Can Still Be Tea and Naps

Don’t get us wrong—we still love naps. We still say yes to cozy socks and long walks and your favorite playlist on repeat. Those things can be sacred. But they’re just part of the picture.

Self-care isn’t about perfection—it’s about intention.

If the most loving thing you can do for yourself today is rest, rest. If it’s making that hard phone call or scheduling your first therapy session, do that. There’s no wrong way to care for yourself—just start where you are.